Horror Stories: 51 Sleepless Nights by Wade Tobias

Author:Wade, Tobias
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-06-18T04:00:00+00:00

Anger Management

I hate Clive. His smug lopsided grin, his greasy comb-over, his horn-rimmed glasses – I don’t think I’d brake if I saw him crossing the street. In fact, I fantasize about it every time I sit down in his office.

“Third time this week, huh?” he asked me.

“It’s not my fault,” I said. “I gave Robert every chance to back down. He’s the one who should be in here, not me.”

“He’s not the one who punched a dent in someone’s car.”

Of all the things I hate about Clive, nothing compares to his title as Human Resources Director. I wonder if he ever had sex, or if inconveniencing my life was the only thing he needed to get off.

“I apologized already, okay? Can I go back to work now?”

“I can’t just keep letting these incidents slide,” Clive said, pressing his glasses into his face like he was trying to glue them on. “This is going in my quarterly report to management.”

My fantasy of hitting him with the car now included a section where I back up once or twice. I clenched my fists, took a deep breath, and counted off a full ten seconds in my mind.

Getting written up would jeopardize my shot at the branch manager position. I didn’t waste four years of my life in this shit-hole just to stay in sales. As much as it hurt, I was going to have to suck up to this bean-bag masquerading as a human being.

“You’re right, you’re absolutely right,” I replied. “I was in the wrong there. Even though he was in my parking spot, I shouldn’t have punched his car. I know I have a problem, and I’ve started taking an anger management class. It’s going to help and this won’t happen again, so please give me one more chance before you report it.”

“Good for you buddy.”

Buddy. Call me that again, and I’ll jab my pen in your neck, buddy. I smiled.

“I’ll tell you what,” he added. “Give me the number of the place you’re meeting at, and I’ll check in with them. If they think you’re showing signs of improvement, I’ll keep this out of your report.”

Shit. Now I’ll actually have to go to a class. My mouth hurt from smiling so hard. “Sure thing, buddy,” I said. “I don’t have the number with me, but I’ll bring it in tomorrow.”

I opened the door and immediately shut it again. This couldn’t be the anger management class I found online. There was incense burning in there, and drums like some kind of freakin’ hippy circle. The door opened, and an old Asian man blended into the doorway.

I felt a certain tranquility just from looking at him. He wore immaculate ceremonial robes like some sort of priest, and his snow-white hair cascaded down his back in gentle waves. He bowed low to me, his body curving with a supple grace which utterly belied his apparent age.

“Hi, is this where the United Way anger group meets?”

“Welcome kind sir. My name is Ikari, and it is so good to see a man such as yourself so in command of his own destiny.

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